Not a million words could describe what I have found over the course of this journey, so to put it simply I have found me. The real me, the soft, compassionate, emotional, silly, and messy me…and you know what, I am beautiful.
Beautiful was such a hard word for me to say before I started this journey, and complimenting myself was an even harder task. These obstacles are not easily overcome by any means, I still struggle to pat myself on the back or to look in the mirror and say the words “you are beautiful” but I can actually do it now. I can do these things now and actually believe them…I can do them without sarcasm and sadness, without pain and ugliness. I have found my place and my self-worth, and most importantly JOY. I am able to love deeper and live stronger.
I think my journey most resembles that of grapes in a vineyard. It took time to grow, a very long time, and any little frost or discouragement could have sent me right back to where I started. I was blessed because the weather cooperated just enough to nourish me. Now that the seasons have changed my heart is ripened and ready for the harvest.
I was asked two questions today-If you could be anything in the would what would you be and If you could live anywhere in the would where would you live? Here are my Answers:
If I could be anything in the world I would be a little kid again. Inspiration was so easy to find then, and a simple “hey, I like your shoe strings,” or “Will you play with us,” made my day. Love was easier to give then to…from the smallest kitten to the biggest person it didn’t matter. I miss those days.
If I could live anywhere in the world I would live In Asheville….not in the city, but in the mountains because I feel closer to God there. I don’t know what it is, but the mountains have made me feel that way ever since I was little. I fell in love with the creativity, the architecture, and the people of that city as well.
1 Samuel 16:7: “The Lord Does Not Look At The Things Man Looks At. Man Looks At The Outward Appearance, But The Lord Looks At The Heart.” I feel as though my heart has gone through an extreme makeover during this process. I have started a new chapter. As I was clicking away finding the beauty in the world something wonderful was happening to my heart. As I was meeting new people and finding the beauty in them, something amazing was happening to my heart. . As I prayed for God to open my eyes, to let me find beauty hiding in unexpected places he was opening my heart and helping me find the beauty within myself. Now, as I reflect on this blessed journey my heart is exploding with beauty. I want to share it with the world, and that is exactly what I am going to do…through my heart and through my lens.